- To be and To bear

Yesterday I was given a gift ... one golden hour with a baby sleeping in my arms. From wails to hiccups to snuffles, Jace succumbed to patient rocking and a steady drumbeat on his back.

The last time he napped in my arms (two months ago) I snapped this picture ... 

This time, as his breathing slowed and deepened, I was determined to soak up every detail ... the seemingly endless tending of my own mothering days now a rare opportunity to be present.

Downy hair, milky breath, silken lashes ... the delicious warmth and weight of a just-right-sized body ... stillness and soft light ... rocking, rocking, rocking ... watching breath ... listening to it shift, awareness dawning, eyes opening, lips gently pursing ... looking for what only a mother can give ... the end of an hour.

But with these words, an hour to be re-membered ... re-called ... re-lived ... a gift for all time.

And then, because there are two to love, I made a bread bear for big brother Jackson ... to go with the molasses "kee-kees" that he liked far better once they were baked to a crisp crackle.

Coda: Today dawned clear and cold, sunlight streaming in the window. And as I nuzzled the top of Jace's head (because there is nothing better than kissing the top of a baby's head) the sun beams caught in his hair. And like a thousand thousand tiny prisms, those impossibly fine strands of gold became a thousand thousand rainbows. Another forever memory ....